Here’s another e-mail that I received for our Letters to Basti Section.

This matter is sensitive because it tackles an issue about marriage within the Philippines between two Filipino individuals. If in any case you find erroneous information, kindly inform me so changes will be made immediately. Please feel free to use the contact form.

Here’s our second letter and it’s from a guy named Arnold…

Basti,

Good day to you! I’m glad that you came up with this idea of people being able to share their concerns while others give their views. Just call me Arnold , a Roman Catholic  from Makati, Philippines. I would like to share this dilemma that I have right now, and I need other people’s input and unbiased opinion about a major decision that I am about to make.

I think we may have a somewhat similar situation and that you would be able to relate with my concern. I have a steady girlfriend for a few years now, we started during college. Our families are against our relationship,  most especially her parents, because I have a daughter with my ex-girlfriend whom I am supporting until now. For this reason, we kept our relationship secret all these years.

My girl is one month and a week pregnant right now and besides the two of us, no one knows about it  yet.  I am aware that it’s something that we cannot keep and that sooner or later, people will find out. But before that happens, we want to get married in secret. We don’t want other people to know, most especially her parents. We are planning to tell them about the baby after the marriage, so they can no longer break us apart.

Both of us are already in marrying age, and  with stable jobs. But honestly, at this age I have no idea about the procedures of secret marriage and hesitant to ask about it.

We want to get secretly married in church, but if it’s not possible, we can settle with civil secret marriage. We have already decided and whether her parents like it or not, we will push through with our plans.  Do you have any idea where we could possibly have a secret marriage held and is it illegal or legal here in the Philippines?

Perhaps there are some people out there who have also gone through the same situation, please share your views, I would greatly appreciate them.

Arnold

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Hello there Arnold, thanks for sharing your story and sorry bro if it took me awhile before I got to post your email here. I had to do a research regarding this matter because I don’t want to give you a wrong advice.

Marriage is a very sensitive issue whether in the law of God or man. And in your case, you are talking about “secret marriage” in particular, which I am not that knowledgeable of, since I wasn’t married in that manner. Although my relationship with Dee was kept secret for a few years, we were married with consent from our parents in b0th sides.  I had to ask for legal advice to make sure that whatever is it that I will say in here will be in accordance to the law and family code of the Philippines.

By the way, congratulations with the coming baby. I believe that having a baby is a blessing therefore take good care of your children. It’s good to know that in spite your being unmarried to the mother of your other child, you continue to do your duty as a father and provide support for your daughter. You are one lucky guy because  your current girlfriend/wife-to-be has accepted you regardless of your past.

Parents who are against relationships of their daughters to an unmarried guy with kid is a common thing here in the Philippines. You must understand that they are only concerned about their child’s welfare. Like right now, what they feared happened and your girlfriend is pregnant with your child outside marriage. But it’s already there, and at least you are man enough to face the responsibility and to be willing to take the relationship to the next level.

Arnold, sorry to burst your bubbles but to be honest with you, there is no such thing as a valid secret marriage, most especially if what you are trying to imply is getting married with no one else around but you and your girlfriend together with the individual who has the power to solemnize a marriage  under the law. You may hear a lot about the term “secret marriage”, it’s all nothing but a cliche.

For a marriage to be valid, the wedding ceremony must comply with the Family Code of the Philippines. Please refer to Title I. Marriage Articles 1 to 54 which comprise the complete provisions of the Family Code on marriage.  But since your concern is about getting married in secret, you might want to read Article 3 of the Family Code, wherein the parties declare in the presence of the solemnizing officer and of  at least two witnesses both of legal age, that they voluntarily take each other as husband and wife with each one saying “I do” to a series of proper questions. In other words, there should be at least three other persons, aside from the two individuals who want to get married, who are required to be present when you exchange your marriage vows. The individual who will act as the solemnizing officer of the marriage must also be recognized by the law as an individual who have the legal  authority to solemnize a marriage (see Article 7 of the family code). Otherwise, your marriage will be considered null and void.

However, if you mean “secret marriage” in such a way that her parents would not know about it and you are at the right age to get married without the presence of your parents, that is another story. You mentioned that you and your girlfriend and already in the marrying age and have stable jobs. what most people  know is that when an individual reach 18,  he/she can already get married. It’s true but this right comes with certain conditions and restrictions.

If you and your girlfriend are above 25 years old, you may get married even without the presence of your parents. However, you cannot keep it in “secret” based on the above mentioned reasons, the ceremony must comply with Article 3 of the Family Code, wherein at least 2 witnesses of legal age should be present, aside from the solemnizing officer. But if both or one of the parties  involved  is below 25 years old,  you definitely cannot keep your marriage from the knowledge of your parents, because you will need to present required documents when you apply for a marriage license.

If you or your girlfriend is above 18 but below the age of 21, the law requires “parental consent,”  and if any of you is 21 or above — but below 25 years old, a “parental advice” is needed, both of which are usually in affidavit form executed by the parents of the concerned parties. So, if you want to get married, may it be in church or civil, you must comply with all the essential and formal requisites found in the Philippine civil law.

One thing I can advice you is, let her family and your family know about the situation. Tell them about your plans of getting married, and try to start building a good relationship with your in-laws-to-be. This way, things will be much better for you, your wife and your coming baby. Start things right, and live in harmony.

I hope I was somehow able to shed light on your concern, and I also hope that you and your girlfriend will get married soon. Advance congratulations to both of you  for the marriage and baby!

To those who have ideas about this matter most especially those who have legal knowledge, please share your thoughts regarding this matter.

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