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Love : The Freeware From God

I was freeing up some space in my gmail account by deleting old, unimportant, and spam emails. I found this old forwarded email in my inbox. After reading the said mail, I felt the need to post it here because I find it worth sharing. It is a simple conversation between a technical service representative and a client, where the latter asked for assistance regarding the installation of a freeware that she received.

I think I got this message forwarded to me a couple of years ago, when I was still working as a customer service representative. Many of you might have read this already, but to those who haven’t, this is worth reading. I’m sure after reading this post, it’ll make you think…

How To Install LOVE Version 4.0 : The Freeware From God

Tech Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems Software Company help desk. How may I help you?
Client: I just received your latest program, LOVEv4.0…you know…the freeware. I don’t understand it. Can you tell me how to install it?
Tech Service Rep: Sure thing ma’am. Do you have the installation disk and instructions with you?
Client: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?
Tech Service Rep: Sure thing ma’am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the background. You will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice it’s effect on every application you have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.
Client: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run smoother?
Tech Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV, ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked everytime thre is an external violation, including the ever-popular syntax errors. Also, all those aggravating errors that say “unable to connect” will be avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the model.
Client: That’s exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for too long. But, what about the bad programs?
Tech Service Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs can’t be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those programs. LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs it’s own instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you won’t be able to write with the fonts “BADWORDS12″ or HARSHNESS10.”
Client: That’s a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free?
Tech Service Rep: They sure are ma’am.
Client: How do I get the upgrades?
Tech Service Rep: That’s easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external Hard drive, Email, and Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with other computers while it is running.
Client: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
Tech Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am?
Client: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Tech Service Rep: What programs are running ma’am?
Client: Let me see…I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWSELFESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
Tech Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of it’s own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma’am?
Client: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Client: Okay, I’m done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
Tech Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Client: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
Tech Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART’S in order to get the upgrades.
Client: Oops…I have an error message already. What should I do?
Tech Service Rep: What does the message say?
Client: It says “ERROR 412 – PROGRAM WILL NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS”. What does that mean?
Tech Service Rep: Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things. In non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE” your own machine before it can “LOVE” others.
Client: So what should I do?
Tech Service Rep: Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”?
Client: Yes, I have it.
Tech Service Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Client: Thank you.
Tech Service Rep: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Client: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
Tech Service Rep: The LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go…
Client: Yes?
Tech Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and it’s various module to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.
Client: I will. Thank you for your help.

Posted on February 16, 2009
Category: Love and Relationships, Technology, Computers and Internet
Tags: > > > >

Comments

No Responses to “Love : The Freeware From God”

  1. beero
    February 18th, 2009 @ 4:12 pm

    haven’t received this message when i was still working as a CSR. thanks for sharing this buddy. indeed, it’s worth reading.

  2. Basti
    February 18th, 2009 @ 4:15 pm

    Yeah it’s really cool and sensible too.

  3. gravity
    February 18th, 2009 @ 8:49 pm

    nice euphemisms!
    spread the love freeware! =)

  4. vanny
    February 19th, 2009 @ 11:32 pm

    ay nabasa ko na rin to. and the message is very true. :)

    take care basti! :)

  5. Basti
    February 20th, 2009 @ 4:06 pm

    Gravity & Vanny : nice di ba? Let’s spread the love all over the world.
    Thanks Gravity &Ms. Vanny!

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